After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” 

You learn 

Prom

It brings me much joy to finally be able to blog again :') Penning down my thoughts and sharing a tad bit about my life during my free time, the time has finally come. Words really can't explain the happiness i felt the moment As ended srsly u will only be able to understand this if u've been through the antagonizing period.

We checked into MBS about 2 days after As ended. Prior to this i took 2 days to prep for prom hahaahaa and that includes eyelash extensions manicure etc. This was all we talked about while mugging for As, the excitement level was high and we were looking forward to it so much! Even blogging about it now makes me happy cos it reminds me how much of a motivation this was for me while struggling to study consistently everyday. Such pure torture i never wanna relive again.

I didn't take much pics of our hotel but this is pretty much it!

I appreciate nice toilets. Didn't take a pic of the right side of the toilet but this is enough

ugh i love the view so much, such beauty 

The next few pics will basically be just some bigger pics and pics i didn't get to post on insta and pics that i liked more :)))) the lighting was really bad everywhere and pics where taken with phones cos my clutch was too small for my camera so…. These will have to do!

Clearer view of how my dress looks like! Haha it's bareback with a dainty ribbon tied across my back -- i'm not gonna post pic of my naked back, its weird. I think its safe to say I'm obsessed with my dress and very happy with the turn out! My hair was supposed to be way curlier but it ended up looking like this by the time prom started…. Oh and it was at Marriott.

While we were still in the ballroom. Food wasn't exactly shitty but it wasn't good, it was a buffet and def wasn't worth the amount we paid for prom. I only liked the mozzarella and the mini desserts.

Testing out the lighting over here ^ but as usual its shitty and it sucked no matter which corner of the place we went to

Came to see me for a while before i headed back to our hotel to get changed up for post prom (next post)

I wish wish wish i had more time in my dress and i wished i had taken more satisfactory photos of myself in it cos i doubt i'll ever wear it again :(

Everyone looked so good during prom it was such a pleasing sight it made me very happy hehehehe post prom and etc other stuff will be in the next post! 

I actually have pictures that I'm too self conscious to post on my instagram hahahaha

Have only been trying to keep up regularly on my insta but I'm gonna try reviving this lifeless blog of mine!! As a form of build up to my impending freedom \o/ 

On another note, the days towards the big As are inching closer and I'm so so so not ready for this in the slightest bit.

Perpetually exhausted as well ugh no one was kidding when they said that this wld be the toughest period of your life.

Experiencing a quarter life crisis lol

“In high school,
they do not teach you
the important things.
You walk across the stage
and are handed a piece of paper
proving that you can survive
four years in hell;
someone makes a speech
telling you how great
and big
and new
the world is,
regurgitating well-rehearsed lies
that not even
they believe.

But they do not warn you
of the lonely nights ahead
in your new apartment
that is much too big for you
and does not feel like home,
or of the heartbreak endured
as your love walks out your door
for the very last time.
No one tells you
how quickly bills will pile up,
or how it is now up to you
to pull yourself out of bed
every morning
and pretend you are alive. 

I can recite the Cell Theory in my sleep.
I dream of math equations that I will never need.
I can recite Walt Whitman like his words were once mine,
but I must’ve skipped over the chapter in my textbook
that tells me how to be alive.”

“Don’t fall in love with girls like me. 
Girls like me love too carelessly.
We care more about the rain, our favorite book, tea, flowers, than how your day went.
We hide ourselves from you. we are sad songs, burning trees, cold air, your last cigarette. 

Don’t fall in love with girls like me. 
Girls like me love too passionately.
We want to move to Washington, to look at the stars, to kiss unkissable things, to drink ourselves to sleep, more than we want you to stay over.
We convince you that we belong. We don’t. We are snow in July, a white dress at your mother’s funeral, sugar in your coffee, your empty bed.

Don’t fall in love with girls like me. 
Girls like me love too distantly. We take you to our favorite places: the bookstore downtown, the museum across the river, between the sheets of our beds, in between the spaces of piano keys only to leave you there.
We make sure you will never forget us. We are your elementary school crush, the smell of your father’s whiskey kisses, the goosebumps on the back of your neck, the red of the blood you see after trying to cut us from yourself.

Don’t fall in love with girls like me.
Girls like me love too destructively. we will ruin your apartment, we will poison your dreams, we will tie your organs into knots, we will drain your heart, and we will blame everything on you.
We will make you hate yourself. We are your smoke damaged lungs, we are the tired bruises under your eyes, we are the reminder of your parents’ drunken mistake, we are your heavy soul.

Don’t fall in love with girls like me.

girls like me don’t love.

girls like me,
 we were born for leaving.”

Catching Up...

I haven't posted anything in a while and I'm not actually sure if anyone still reads this space hahaa

Been really caught up with school (and life) i haven't had the time to properly sit my ass down to draft a proper post. 

Well just to briefly summarize everything in 10 bullet points (trying to get back into the momentum of blogging)....

1) I've started my hectic j2 life, third continuous year of insurmountable annoyance towards this education system

2) I've been trying to balance work and play and that's not turning out too well for now... 

3) I lost my phone recently and am pissed at the motherfker who took it, I'm more concerned about its contents ugh

4) I got a new phone (hehe yay!!!) and i love it

5) I sprained my ankle for the first time in my entire life i have never so much fractured a single bone in my body so this is quite a big deal to me. Its still swollen.

6) And i've been shopping too much and spending more than i can afford now that i don't even work anymore i have no idea where i get my money from

7) But shopping makes me happy so i won't quit

8) Upon seeing my friends receive their A level results i am overwhelmed with pride for those who reaped what they sowed. And for those who are disheartened, i am also proud that they have made it this far. I am also very worried for myself.

9) I REALLY need to get my life back on track, study more and spend less and play less and date less.

10) "There are still so many kisses and laughs and nights and days and risks worth taking and road trips and books to read and poetry to write and pictures to take. You have to believe this. Please"